The Eye of the Fish

Maximus
June 25, 2012

Solstice

And so, just like that, our shortest day has passed, and our winter daylight hours start once more to get more lengthy. There, that wasn’t all that bad now, was it? And a happy mid-winter celebration to you too.

I’m not really a fan of Matariki yet – it still feels too much like a manufactured celebration, like Kwanza. I’ve said before that Christmas is out of place in NZ, and that we should instead celebrate at mid-winter down here in the southern hemisphere, but it is no fun if you’re the only one lighting a fire and eating Christmas pudding in the middle of June. Even though we all know that Christmas is really not a Christian thing at all, but a time of pagan feast, appropriated by followers of Christ, bastardised by CocaCola, taken over warts and all by commercial interests, and down here, situated in completely the wrong hemisphere for anything to make any sense at all – despite all that, we still go gaga in December.

Thanks for the use of this fantastic image from Warren Williams – superb!
The solstice makes sense as a time for celebration – observable phenomena, precise timing, a chance for some frottage amongst the veges as you celebrate with a glass of mead etc. Well, more so than celebrating Christmas – the belief that a supposed virgin confesses to a miracle rather than own up to a bit of underage nooky, and a bunch of wise men and shepherds allegedly follow the light of a comet, even though comets are very small and don’t move a lot, and then they turn up with precious metal and oily unguents that they’re giving away wholesale. Christianity: “the belief that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.” Cos that makes perfect sense…

We have the perfect place in NZ for celebrating the solstice – a copy of Stonehenge, somewhere up in the Wairarapa, and despite the awful weather here lately, I hope that at least a few proto-Druids turned up and reincarnated themselves there today. Over in England they’ve been celebrating the longest day at the ancient arena, of course, and a friend of mine attended at dawn, a long trek down from London at 3am to arrive at Stonehenge to find it be-fogged, or be-misted, and no sun apparent when dawn arose. The one time you go to all that trouble, and then it is a washout (much like our terrible Transit of Venus day). There were, apparently, a large number of people there – Spanish hippies, Druidish folk in white garb, singing and folk-dancing, modern primitives, everyday drunken drongoes dressed as muppets, etc – the whole scene, gathered around the crumbling array of ancient stone ruins. With no sunrise. Sigh….

Over here of course, we’ve got it much better. I forget who it was, but the builder of Stonehenge Aotearoa got it right – timber framed, covered in Hardies fibre cement sheet, and plastered with a nice pebble dash, this should last at least 50 years – or as long as our code exists. Probably not quite as long as Stonehenge has been around. Anyone want to report in what the celebrations were like up there in Masterton this week? Druids? Chanting? Mistletoe? Virgin sacrifices? Anyone?

60 MPa
26 - 06 - 12

http://www.stuff.co.nz/travel/new-zealand/587294/New-Zealands-tackiest-attractions

Be that as it may, I shall be having a winter feast with friends. Shanks are overrated so it’s thai sweet chilli pumpkin soup and Roast pork belly with more root vegetables than you can shake a yam at. With a metric fucktonne of gravy and some Shiraz/Viognier.

Virgin sacrifices? in Masterton? Keeping in mind that, when one talks of MTN, the first question is (North)East side or (South)West side? – Southeast = feral; Northwest = retired

Rapa
26 - 06 - 12

Hmmm – didn’t know about that split – no wonder that the state highway goes straight thru the middle and doesn’t stop….

Maximus
27 - 06 - 12

60 – agree about the lamb shanks, but did not know you were such a culinary genius. Metric fucktonne is a new term for me. Evidently means ‘quite a lot’? And yes, sacrificing a virgin in Masterton may be a little too close to the bone up there. But they could still celebrate an NZ Christmas in the winters time of the year! I must go and send out some Christmas cards to all my friends. A last ditch attempt to keep NZ Post afloat before it sinks under a mountain of indifference.

Cantab
27 - 06 - 12

Regarding that painting by Michaelangelo up there – not one of his best, I’d say. I know, genius and all that, but really – too many red-heads, and Adam’s body looks like a rugby prop forward after 40 years on the front line – and Eve doesn’t look like a slim lithe teenager either. Womanly hips and a chunky outline of the middle-aged. Are we supposed to believe they lived in the Garden of Eden for years and years without succumbing to an apple? Also – what’s with all the red-heads? Even God is a Ginga! Surely not! Finally – Adam’s cock – that’s nothing to be proud of, and not much to procreate the rest of the human race with! Wee Willy Winky more like.

Maximus
27 - 06 - 12

Cantab – not really sure you are meant to take the Grand Masters that literally – and I’m sure that nowhere in the Bible does it say that Adam and Eve were mere willowy teenagers. Me, I’m more worried about the snake with two tails and a human torso. That’s a freakish GE type experiment right there.

Maximus
27 - 06 - 12

ps – actually just realized that the Serpent has boobs – so it is women who are the devil ? And talking of breasts – something weird with Eve’s chest as well, looking a little too silicon happy and perky to be real. And what’s with her face so close to Adam’s ….. no, better stop now. Enough blasphemy for one day! I’ll go wash my mouth out…

60 MPa
28 - 06 - 12

Yes a metric fucktonne is more than a buttload – as for NZ Post I believe they are diversifying into courier companies for all of the online purchasers getting their Tardme packages sent by PBT (Parcel Breaker Transport)

Now that Cantab’s insightful art criticism has entered the fray, may I point out one very disturbing fact – Adam (and possibly Eve) has got a navel.

That is twelve different colours of wrong.

Arthur
28 - 06 - 12

I’m thinking, given that the Poms have such dreadful dreary weather most of the time, if this was their only clock back in 2 zillion BC, its a wonder that they ever new what time of the year it was at all. Even more amazing than this, though, is the Meridian cathedrals. Do you know about them?

Maximus
28 - 06 - 12

Arthur – nope, i know nothing. Wanna tell us?

60 – even more outrageous and shocking, especially given this story on the Stuff site today, : http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/beauty/beauty-news/7186081/Writers-hairy-armpits-shock-nation – is that Eve has shaved her armpits. Putting aside the claim from Cantab that she bears a resemblance to a prop forward (and yes, she is not the sort of woman you would want to meet down a dark alley…) – but I am amazed that women were shaving their armpits – either back at the dawn of creation, or in the Renaissance. Or is that just part of the whole abhorence of the grand masters to pubic hair in general? Everyone is rather pink and fleshy really… what happens to the muscley, hairy man of old? Like Sebastien Chabal ?